Left Me So Undone
by theoreoqueen
Summary: Kurt and Blaine just started having sex, and Kurt loves it and definitely wants to do it again...except there's one problem. Kurt is afraid of what his face looks like when he comes, and that's exactly what Blaine wants to see.


Their first time was...awkward, to say the least. It involved plenty of fumbling, giggling, blushing, and accidentally jutting elbows into stomachs, which resulted in hasty, "Sorry, sorry!" until they were both laughing again to forget it ever happened.

But it was also _amazing_. Feeling too warm and buzzing all over and getting to experience it all with someone he loves, and Kurt truly did love every second of it. He had requested, mumbling to the air above Blaine's shoulder as heat bloomed across his cheeks, to be on the receiving end. And Blaine-ecstatic, sexy, adorable, brimming with desire all at once _Blaine_ -was more than happy to oblige.

So their first time had Kurt on all fours, his heart racing in his rib cage at impossible speeds from nerves and excitement and total openness to whatever lay ahead. He didn't know what to expect-he sure didn't expect to laugh with his boyfriend as he was being fingered-but what happened was a hundred times better than any pamphlet said or porno could be.

Sure, Blaine may had come within a minute, but he did reach under and jerk Kurt off until he too felt sweet, intense release. Blaine kissed his spine before dropping beside him, spent and elated, with eyes so wide and dark.

"Oh my god," Blaine breathed out, and Kurt laughed.

Kurt liked the position, he decided to himself as he and Blaine relaxed in a post-orgasm haze, sweat clinging to their skin as the truth hung like a banner in the air: _Holy shit. We just had sex._ Research told him it wouldn't hurt as much if it was his first time, and they were right. Blaine had been so gentle and considerate, and even though Kurt may not have had total control, there had been enough leverage for him to not be _totally_ vulnerable.

Plus, he was facing away from Blaine when he came.

Which, to baby-penguin-Kurt with the most non-sexy faces in the universe, it was a major relief.

However, now that they've done it once they have full permission to do it _again_. And of course Kurt wanted to do it again. He would have sex with Blaine a hundred more times if it was physically possible.

 _But it_ has _to be in the same position,_ he reminded himself.

It was Friday evening, and the Hummel-Hudson house was completely empty, save for the two boys kissing feverishly on top of Kurt's once-made bed. The duvet crinkled under them as half of Kurt's body laid over Blaine's, gripping his shirt or hair or whatever near as he kissed and kissed and kissed him, drunk by the taste of his boyfriend's lips.

Blaine's entire body writhed under Kurt, twisting and jerking the best it could with the limited space he had. His hands seemed to be everywhere-cupping Kurt's neck, wound in his hair, squeezing his hip and then trailing lower to his ass. Kurt wasn't certain if he was doing it on purpose, but there was definitely something hard grinding against his leg.

"Do you...?" Blaine began to ask against Kurt's mouth.

Kurt nodded quickly before kissing him hard once more.

There were less nervous giggles when stripping each other of clothing. Kurt unbuttoned Blaine's polo with steady fingers this time and Blaine shucked it off with ease. Then Blaine took the bottom of Kurt's sweater and met his eyes for confirmation before lifting it over his head.

Kurt couldn't help it, not when his _gorgeoushotmuscularamazing_ boyfriend was sitting right in front of him on his bed. He surged forward, both his hands around Blaine's face to kiss him fiercely. Blaine made a noise in surprise and Kurt felt their smiles press together.

"Um, where's the-?"

"Under the bed. Plastic bag."

As Blaine went on his mission, Kurt shimmied out of his skinny jeans and tossed them to the floor, shivering as cool air hit his bare skin. His nerves were definitely more thrilled than anxious this time. No awkwardness stayed stagnant in the atmosphere like their first time, except only frenzied kisses and warm skin and absolute certainty.

Blaine returned upright, dumping the supplies next to them before also stripping down to just his underwear (black briefs with a grey waistband hugging his tiny hips). He looked up and met Kurt's eyes, a grin stretching across his face, also filled with unadulterated excitement for what was sure to occur.

"Oh, I guess I'll just," Kurt began to settle down to lay on his stomach like last time. It was comfortable and easy access for Blaine to prep him.

"Wait, Kurt." Blaine stopped him with a hand on his arm. "I was wondering...could we try something else?"

Kurt froze, like brakes on a train squealing to a halt. Something else? He was ready to jump to excuses. _It's our second time, silly. We don't need to try something else. Last time was great! Amazing! Perfect, even!_

"Oh?" was all he could manage to say.

"Yeah! Um." His boyfriend chewed his bottom lip, looking off to the side before back at Kurt. For a split second Kurt hoped Blaine would say he wanted to switch, have Kurt top this time. And Kurt would be fine with that, honestly...as long as Blaine would be on all fours and _not_ watching him.

"Maybe...you could lay on your back?" Blaine suggested. "I really want to...see you."

Kurt parted his mouth, praying he at least appeared genuinely interested instead of having his features scream _oh god no_. Those words were exactly what nightmares were made of. Obviously, Blaine wasn't to blame. Only Kurt knew his face scrunched up and his ears burned as his mouth hung open like a gawking fish when he came.

And Kurt loved Blaine with all his heart and trusted him with his everything but...no way. That's the last thing Kurt needed-Blaine witnessing the horror unleash and no doubt be completely turned off and never wanting to be intimate with Kurt again _ever_.

Blaine was waiting expectantly for an answer, so Kurt snapped his mouth shut before putting on a smile. "While you prep me?" he asked with only a faint crack in his voice. "Sure! That's new!"

Though Blaine seemed a bit bewildered on this turn of events, Kurt dropped down to his back probably faster than any relaxed person would, hearing his pulse in his ears. It was racing again like the first time, anxiety quickly overtaking the usual thrill.

He tried reasoning with himself, as he hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his underwear to peel them away, that during this step he could at least control his facial features. Guilt twinged in his chest, thinking he'd have to _force_ himself to remain calm around Blaine. But it was for the sake of both him _and_ Blaine. Far better than unknowingly letting go and having whatever his face did for Blaine to see.

Blaine held the bottle of lube in one hand and turned to Kurt, studying him for a moment before furrowing his thick eyebrows. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Of course."

"You look _really_ tense." Blaine smiled, teasing. He extended his free hand for Kurt to take, and he did, being pulled up to sit as Blaine set the lube aside to grab his other hand.

"I'm not _tense_ ," Kurt argued.

"I'm not _tense_ ," Blaine mimicked, tilting his chin up and frowning before breaking out in a huge grin. "C'mon, Kurt!" He shook his hands, making Kurt's arms wiggle like loose noodles, and, okay, Kurt had to laugh. " _Shake it out, shake it out! Shake it out, shake it out! Oh whoa!_ " Blaine sang in a terrible Florence Welch impression.

Kurt dissolved into giggles, worry disappearing from his chest for a moment. Really, how was he so lucky that _this_ boy was his boyfriend?

They calmed down eventually, and Blaine took that opportunity to lean forward and kiss him, which Kurt had no complaints about. It was sweet and chaste and still sent butterflies to the top of his chest.

However, Blaine did use this to gently ease Kurt to lay down again, and once his head hit the pillows even Kurt noticed his own muscles stiffening.

Blaine's once joyous expression dropped instantly to concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Kurt said, his voice squeaking, damn it.

Blaine hovered above him, braced with his arms against the bed. Sure, they had made out like this plenty of times, but never naked and so close to having sex and...Kurt's ears felt hot. Because it _was_ pretty hot.

Until he remembered why he didn't want this position to happen in the first place.

"Do you...not want to anymore?" Blaine asked, more so worried than hurt.

Guilt poked and prodded relentlessly at Kurt's heart, and he groaned, turning away from Blaine's face as embarrassment crept into his veins. "No, no, it's not like that."

"Then what's going on?" A hand smoothed Kurt's arm and then caressed his face. "Kurt, talk to me."

Could people die from humiliation? Was that a thing? "It's dumb," Kurt mumbled.

"No, it's not."

"You don't even know what it is."

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No."

"Am I...doing something wrong?"

"No! I mean...no. Blaine, you're fine, you're absolutely fine." A million spotlights could not make Kurt feel so warm under his skin than he did right then. "I want to have sex with you like, _really_ bad." At least he got a smile to tug at Blaine's lips again. "And I want to make you happy and everything, but...I _can't_."

"Why?" Blaine asked, genuinely confused.

"Because," Kurt groaned again, wishing with every fiber of his body he could sink into his bed and vanish last second, "I look stupid."

His words hung in the air as silence settled between them. Kurt couldn't dare glance at Blaine, but when he did there was obvious bewilderment covering his face.

"What?"

"It's true! I look... _stupid_ , Blaine! It's as simple as that!"

"What are you talking about?"

"When I come! When I orgasm I make the most, oh my god, _non-sexy_ face imaginable. I am like the opposite of a turn on."

Blaine stared at him like he was preaching nonsense. "That's ridiculous. You are sexy-"

"I bet _now_ I am! When my face is a natural shade and before anything, you know, _erratic_ has happened!"

"So you think," Blaine said, smiling at Kurt with amusement and adoration, "that your face when I make you come is going to turn me off?"

Kurt threw his hands up. "Yes!" _Finally, someone gets it!_

"Kurt, listen to what I just said." He shuffled closer, brushing their bare chests together. Chuckles were edged in his voice, which had noticeably dropped a few notches. "You think," his lips inched near Kurt's, breathing hot air against them, "that your face," they ghosted across his cheek, trailing to his ear, "when I make you _come_ ," Kurt shivered, "is going to turn me off?" And there it was, Blaine's wide grin trying to hide against his neck.

"It's highly likely," Kurt replied in barely a whisper.

"You're talking crazy."

"I'm talking realistically."

"Hey," Blaine lifted his head, meeting Kurt's eyes. "We don't have to."

Kurt blinked. "Huh?"

"The missionary style? We don't have to," Blaine assured, the pad of his thumb absently rubbing circles on Kurt's shoulder. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

 _You could never_ , Kurt wanted to say, yet the words stopped in his throat. Sex was supposed to be exciting and new and intimate and he had taken all those things away. He knew Blaine meant what he said, and Kurt loved him for that. He loved Blaine so much that he trusted him with his naked self and naked soul, something Kurt couldn't even fathom exposing a year ago.

It was Kurt's turn to chew his bottom lip, the little voice that used to nag him with absurd anxieties now began reasoning with him. This position may mean Kurt would be squashed against the mattress and Blaine's weight above him, with Kurt completely exposed and giving Blaine total control. Yet, an important detail seemed to escape his thought process.

With their first time, Kurt could only hear Blaine's broken moans and cries when he came. If they did it this way, Blaine may be able to see Kurt, but Kurt would also be able to see _him_.

Heat squirmed deep in his belly. The image Kurt conjured up was probably nothing compared to reality.

"Let's do it," he finally said.

Blaine's head snapped up. "Do what?"

To answer, Kurt shifted his legs and situated Blaine to lay between them before kissing his mouth, those excited-nerves making him giddy again. "Let's have sex," he said, "like this."

Blaine's golden-hazel eyes were wide when he pulled back. "Like...this?" He glanced down to their current stance.

Kurt nodded and smiled toothily, showing Blaine he was _so_ for it.

The new way to arrange his limbs felt silly. They propped a pillow under Kurt's hips to allow access for Blaine, and Kurt didn't know if watching Blaine's every movements as his hand slipped between his legs was a good or bad thing. It's like deciding whether or not to watch the nurse put the needle in your arm-watching takes away the surprise and anticipation, while looking away only lets in the feeling.

But when he felt slippery-cold fingers trail down his crack, he inhaled sharply despite knowing it would happen. Blaine smiled, pleased Kurt's gasp was from pleasure, and teased his index finger against his hole.

" _Blaine_ ," Kurt breathed out, trying to tame his heaving chest the best he could.

"Yes, dear?" Blaine asked sweetly.

Kurt gave him a look, which resulted in a quick kiss, and then Blaine exhaling against them, "Relax."

He did, shoulders slumping and breathing slowing down, and Blaine pushed in his first finger.

Even though Kurt already experienced what the sensation felt like and what to expect, he still revelled in how _incredible_ it felt. And this time he wasn't gaping at a headboard, he was staring at his boyfriend, who was concentrated with his movements. He licked his lips before looking at Kurt, and with hooded eyes he grinned crookedly.

The second finger was alright, the third burned for a moment before Kurt adjusted. It wasn't as nerve-wracking, mostly because he briefly forgot the big picture. It was just him and Blaine, giggling sheepishly now and then and cracking a joke or a witty one-liner and being completely at ease.

It was after Blaine stilled his hand and asked, "Are you ready?" when Kurt remembered.

Everything Kurt worried over before seemed to explode into propositions a hundred times worse. _Ready? Ready to possibly be humiliated and judged and utterly exposed and vulnerable? And what if none of that happens but I don't like it? What if that happens, Blaine? What if_ I'm _the one who never wants to have sex again?_

"Hey," Blaine's voice brought him out of his spinning thoughts. A clean hand settled atop of his knee before running down his thigh, tickling the hairs. "We can stop anytime, you know that, right?"

Nodding, Kurt found his body growing less tense. It wasn't like he was trapped. He and Blaine both knew they could voice their discomforts anytime.

Watching his boyfriend rid himself of his last layer and roll a condom on was pretty fantastic, in Kurt's opinion. He was almost so mesmerized he only registered a few seconds later that Blaine was slicking more lube on himself and lining up between Kurt's legs.

"You okay?" Blaine asked, holding the underside of Kurt's thighs with sweaty hands. Right then, Kurt supposed he never got the chance to see Blaine nervous right before he went in. There was no doubt last time he would have been in a much worse state.

Kurt nodded, heart rate steadying. His fingers gripped the bedsheets, toes curling in the air.

Blaine nodded too, maybe to reassure himself, before easing in.

Kurt's fingers clutched the sheets so tight his knuckles surely turned white. Not out of pain, but from the breathtaking stretch which burned in just the right way. Last time he was almost shocked, overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity. However, now Kurt's body accepted the intrusion, every nerve addicted to it.

"Okay?" Blaine asked in a huff, like he'd been holding his breath.

Kurt suddenly realized he was too, and exhaled as he nodded, self-conscience trickling into his system. Great, he probably already looked red as a tomato. There's no telling what shade he'd be once they'd reach-

Blaine, now completely inside with his balls snug against Kurt's ass, craned his head down to kiss Kurt and-wow, this was hot. Both literally and figuratively. Their body heat radiated off one another, forbidding any cool breeze from entering. They were incredibly close this way, and no words could describe the way your boyfriend moved his mouth expertly while shifting his hips and starting to rock-

Kurt tore away from Blaine's mouth to gasp.

It wasn't as deep or fast as the previous position, but _god_ was it intoxicating. Kurt's legs were bent and locked around Blaine's sides as they trembled, already reacting to the arousal. And Kurt, he didn't know what else to do but hang his mouth open, blush inching up his neck.

The neck Blaine started mouthing, his kisses loud next to Kurt's ear. One arm snaked under Kurt's torso, holding him as he continued rolling his hips. "Is this good?" Blaine asked him, voice quiet and husky.

" _God_ ," Kurt breathed.

Kurt's hand fumbled upwards to wind in Blaine's air, the other holding his bicep like an anchor. Blaine just continued pressing kiss after kiss on Kurt's neck, focusing on a few spots that made Kurt bite his lip to stifle a groan.

There wasn't much skin-slapping-skin echoing off the walls, but more so Blaine moving in a way that was both delicious and torturous, for the head of Kurt's wet cock tapped against his belly, throbbing and wanting to be touched desperately.

Kurt took a few controlled breaths before releasing Blaine's arm to reach between them. Just then did Blaine shift slightly, pulling his hips back only to thrust them in a bit harder this time.

"Oh my _-B-Blaine_." Stuttering, sparks jolting through his veins as his stomach contracted and heaved, Kurt threw his head back and squeezed his eyes shut tight.

Blaine was obviously beaming, purposely hitting his prostate again and Kurt _moaned_.

Flat out moaned like in the movies, with no planning or thought process. Kurt couldn't even calculate what his face must've looked like when he did, but whatever happened Blaine caught it and was thrown off rhythm for a split second.

" _Fuck_ , Kurt," was all Kurt heard before lips were pressed hard to his.

Through the frenzy and burning pleasure and unattainable desire to just grab each other, tugging and kissing and doing whatever means possible to be close, Kurt did conjure up an idea. He wouldn't be too embarrassed with his appearance if he saw Blaine coming first. It was simple logic: Kurt wouldn't miss Blaine's face if he was regaining strength from his post-orgasm glow, and his boyfriend might be too focused on his ecstasy to focus on Kurt's crimson and sweaty face.

So Kurt reacted on instinct: he scratched his nails on Blaine's scalp and bit his lower lip and clenched around his cock. And Blaine moaned brokenly, just like last time before he crashed over the edge.

"I love you, Kurt," Blaine said, eyelids fluttering open. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Kurt told him, and then silently cursing his dick for aching like there was no tomorrow. Did it not get the memo his boyfriend needed to be the first one here?

Yet it was his boyfriend who shakily snuck a hand beneath him and wrapped a fist around Kurt's cock, jerking it with his thrusts, going faster and faster and then-

Kurt's back arched off the bed as his jaw hung, a low groan rolling from the bottom of his throat all the way to his mouth. His skin felt like it was vibrating and on fire. The muscles on his thighs twitched uncontrollably as his cock released white spurts, lining his heaving chest. The pleasure was so intense, he didn't even know if he was breathing.

Maybe it was only a few seconds or a few hours, but Kurt's vision came back into focus. His ears were ringing and his lungs were working again, gulping in air. Blaine's face was only a few inches from him, and Kurt realized his boyfriend was still going, still rocking in and out like before. If not faster, more wild.

" _OhmygodKurt_ ," he heard Blaine say somewhere in his gasp, and suddenly Kurt was being kissed again. Messy and off center, a lot of teeth and slippery lips. Then Blaine's pelvis slowed and before Kurt knew it, he was staring at his boyfriend as he came.

Blaine whimpered. His lips were parted and trembling. His forehead pinched as his eyes shut briefly. He seemed to take in little gasps, his face incredibly pink. Sweat shined off his forehead. His fingers tightened in Kurt's hair.

Kurt had never seen anything more irresistible.

The world around them eventually stopped spinning. Blaine was sucking in air before breaking out in breathless chuckles, and Kurt soon joined in. Then Kurt kissed his jaw and Blaine hummed, smiling drowsily down at him.

He lifted Kurt's legs once more to ease out of him, tying up the condom before wrapping it in a tissue. Kurt felt sweaty and gross, and then his previous insecurities snuck up on him, reminding him of what just happened and what Blaine must have seen-

"You are so hot," Blaine said to him before surprising Kurt with a kiss, rough and passionate and definitely not drowsy.

Kurt blushed again, if that was possible. His cheeks already felt like they were made of fire. His ears had to be giving off steam. So if Blaine meant 'hot' in that manner, he wasn't wrong.

"I'm serious," Blaine continued, settling down next to Kurt. He laid on his side, cheek pressed into the pillow. Curls broke loose on his carefully styled hair, and Kurt felt adoration squeeze his heart. "You are hot."

"Yeah, I might need some water," Kurt joked, feeling like anything else he did would be dumb.

Blaine shook his head in his ' _I can't believe you_ ' way. "That may have been the sexiest thing I have ever seen."

"My orgasm face?!" Kurt asked, incredulous.

Nodding, Blaine grinned close-mouthed and with crinkled eyes.

Kurt stared at him for five whole seconds. "You're just saying that."

"What?! I'm serious!" Blaine moved up to his elbows, gaping at Kurt. "When I saw you come, like...that was it. That's all I needed to let go myself."

"Oh _god_ ," Kurt groaned, hiding his face and smile behind his hands. Even though his chest fluttered pleasantly (though he'd never admit it).

Blaine laughed, planting a kiss to his forehead. "I love you, sexy."

"Oh, you think what _I_ did was sexy?" Kurt piped up, now bearing a look of mischief. "Let's discuss _your_ face when you came."

Blaine's smile fell, and for a moment Kurt saw what he had felt for so long. The self-consciousness, the embarrassment, how he doubted his boyfriend would ever find him desirable. "What did I do?" Blaine asked, voice wavering in caution.

He walked his fingers up Blaine's arm and to his shoulder until he reached his neck. There Kurt cupped his hand around it and pulled himself up to lock his lips with Blaine's. It wasn't anything near erotic, but it was pure. Impeccable slotting, as if their mouths were made for each other.

"You were perfect," Kurt answered when they separated. Yes, everything still felt sticky and they needed to clean up. His legs were sore as was his ass, but his words held truth. He enjoyed it more than he expected, and knowing Blaine had too, had actually come when seeing Kurt's face, just made it all the better. "Thank you."

"For what?" Blaine asked, though in his eyes Kurt knew he already had that answer.

So, instead Kurt kissed him again, because he could. Because they could be procrastinators on clean-up and were allowed to trade lazy, sweet kisses.

They could be just the two of them.


End file.
